I’m not sure what this says about me but I love getting my teeth cleaned at the dentist.
The chair is so squishy and soft. I lay there with nothing to do but open my mouth when they tell me to. I stare out the window at the same palm tree I’ve stared at for the past ten years.
The dental hygienist is very gentle with fine hands and small fingers and she is meticulous as she works on my teeth. She lectures me about flossing in a careful, respectful tone. It’s a safe space and kind of intimate as she dabs away my drool and the water that sprays on my cheeks from that little machine she uses.
I love when she scrapes away the plaque with a sharp, pointy implement and then polishes with minty paste. It’s all gritty like sandpaper and I feel like I’m getting a fresh start.
Afterwards I can breathe through my teeth and freak my kids out. That is always enjoyable.
I have my little joke with the receptionist about how I look forward to going to the dentist. She laughs as she thinks I really don’t, but I actually really do when it’s just for a cleaning, which in turn makes me chuckle.
I hate when I have to get work done, but that’s a whole different thing. This is just like getting your car washed and I get a kick out of that too.
Getting my teeth cleaned means I get to be in a quiet, relaxed space where I remain still and calm. Someone is paying positive attention to me in a focused way but I don’t need to focus on anything in particular. I don’t need to be anyone or anything other than a body attached to some teeth.
Simplicity. I like it.
December 10, 2015
I’m finding it hard to be in a relationship with you right now. I guess it’s been challenging from the start. At first I struggled in our relationship because I missed my previous love so much it was hard to fully embrace you. Later, it was just a rocky road getting used to living with you and adapting to your ways. I committed to you though, and stopped comparing you to others and tried to really get to know you and work out how you tick. I’ve had to really study you to try and understand you in the hope that with more understanding my heart will continue to open to you.
I have been pleasantly surprised by many aspects of your character and physical beauty. I have also felt betrayal and disappointment as I opened up and trusted you and that trust was abused in ways I never would have expected. Through it all I held on to you and my dream for us and I fully committed to you. I went all the way with you.
I have to say though that recently you have started to really scare me. I’m seeing a side to you that I have been told was always there, but I hadn’t really seen on parade the way it is at present. I see a side to you that I find very difficult to reconcile. I forgive you for so much and try to accept you with all your flaws because I have learned about your history and I know how you have become what you are today but there are some parts of you that I have a very hard time living with. I hope I can continue to see your beauty and not let your dark side over shadow your light so much that I need to end my relationship with you.
I have invested so much in this relationship. I have really tried to love you fully America. Breaking up with you would break my heart profoundly. Please try to be the best you can be…for your own good.
Yours truly. X
December 10, 2015
Social isolation and
No sense of belonging
Fueled by hate
Easy access to some of the most powerful weaponry ever created…in abundance
Senseless death, terror, loss, pain, sorrow, damage, horror, permanent scars, deep suffering, endless grief, fear, uncertainty, confusion…
Why do we as a society choose to live like this?
The time for thoughts and prayers is over.
This is a time for action.
If we accept this as the price we must pay for our freedom to own guns without tight regulation then we are a basic, underdeveloped, inhumane and uncivilized society.
Can’t we all see that we are not free?
We are not free.
We are at their mercy.
December 2, 2015