I should have been a communications major. I have just recently realized how much of my life I have been compelled to try and communicate feeling and ideas, or at least collect them … document them. Also, I have always felt the strong desire to connect with people and I’ve attempted to do this in various ways.
The urge to express and document started early. I used to keep a diary when I was a young child and teen. Later, when I was 18 I purchased a home base CB radio. This was about information exchange and connection. Before I bought my own radio, my boyfriend had one in his car and we would drive around and talk to other ‘rev heads’. I had a call sign and joined a local informal CB club. I would talk to people all the time for hours and hours. That was all before cell phones. I used to talk on the phone too, with the number dial and long, coiled cord. For hours I’d sit drinking wine or coffee just talking to people. Then I started writing songs and playing all the time, prolifically. I busked on the streets of Edinburgh and Vienna when I worked and traveled overseas to connect with people through my music.
Then I wrote poems and prose and letters and lists and posts and now I blog. For work I’ve written for grants, prepared reports and letters of recommendations … countless letters of recommendations, and my own self evaluations, newsletters and speeches to inspire people to join a cause. I’ve written ministerial briefing notes, press releases, policies and procedures. At university I wrote essays. When I travelled I wrote journal entries. I’ve written love letters and letters to explain how things were unfair and letters to explain how someone had hurt me. Letters and texts and emails and Facebook posts and now blog posts.
I wanted to always make my point understood and always felt misunderstood no matter how hard I tried. Same thing today. I want to reach across the disconnect.
There is also the need to write it all out, but when I do my satisfaction is only temporary. Then I have to write more. All the while I know that the most important thing to do is to listen to people and read. Quietly watch, listen and read. And I do that too and store so much. Most of the time I feel like I’ll burst.
Really, I just want to reach you.
October 11, 2015