This rage is poison
coursing through my body.
It lurks under my skin,
just beneath the surface of my smile.
Present in my shadow.
This poison is circulating around my heart.
Contaminating the air in my lungs.
Creeping into my intestines
and down into my bowels.
Cold and sharp and terrifying.
This poison is smart.
It sneaks around in dark recesses inside and pounces without warning.
It claws at my breasts and clings to my ribs.
It rises like bile in my throat.
It spreads down through my bones to my toes and seeps into the ground I stand on, poisoning the very earth beneath me.
This poison is in me and all around me.
Like a fog that permeates each moment. I recoil from it.
It’s always there ready to strike.
This rage is cold and sharp and terrifying.
This rage is poison.
It lines my stomach and my skull,
gripping my mind and
lingering despite my best efforts to dispel it.
Present in each cell that comprises me, in each thought,
even in my dreams.
This rage tastes like shit and metal and old blood.
It’s cold and sharp and terrifying.
You are poison.
You poisoned me.
You poison me still.
You make me sick.
You tried to quell my rage with your empty apology,
strategic patience and charm.
But you can’t deny me this.
This rage will save me.
How dare you attempt to take that from me too.
My rage is poison but it is also a fierce fire and with it, I purge you.
I will close this wound.
I will be clean again.
I will be rid of you.
I will be free again.
I will forget you.
I won’t forgive you.
Fuck you and your poison.
Fuck you and your apologies, strategic patience and charm.
Take this rage and go fuck yourself with it.
I embrace this rage that saves me.
You are inconsequential.
You are insignificant.
You are invisible.
You are irrelevant.
You are nothing.
Now I’m finished with you.
September 30, 2015